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This article highlights some of the funniest New Year resolutions you'll ever come across.

Funny New Year Resolutions

New Year's Day floods our minds with memories of the passing year and with anticipation of various events in the coming year. New Year resolutions are a wonderful way with which we can sum up our past year. For some, these resolutions represent the lessons they need to learn while for others, they could be things they need to forget and yet for some, New Year resolutions are a way to de-stress and remind themselves not take life too seriously, no one is getting out of it alive. Well, here are some hilarious New Year resolutions that will definitely tickle your funny bone and will end you up in splits absolutely. Take a look!
  • I will leave my brain at home while going to watch a Rajnikanth movie!
  • I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • I will never again eat a jackfruit before going to a public function.
  • I resolve not to see any serial in which any dead character is brought alive.
  • I promise to keep a straight face when my wife serves me the one-in-every-week ‘new recipe from the Internet’ experiment.
  • I will not gain any more weight. Losing weight is such a hard goal, so I figured why not make it easier. First maintain weight then figure out a way to lose it.
  • I will not sit at the computer all the time. I will try to stand while I type for at least thirty minutes a day.
  • I will not tell the same story at every get-together.
  • I need to start worrying a little.
  • I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
  • I’m going to learn cusswords in different languages.
  • I don’t need any STINKING resolutions!
  • I will rename my dog something really strange and long.
  • I will go on long ego trips.
  • I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth.
  • I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
  • I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
  • I will try to figure out why I “really” need nine e-mail addresses.
  • I’m not even going to say New Year’s resolution—I’m already in transition.
  • Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
  • Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
  • Stop licking frozen flag poles.
  • Stop setting three alarms on my phone, just so I can turn the volume off after the first one.
  • Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
  • Watch more movie remakes.
  • Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
  • Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being interviewed.
  • Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
  • Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out.
  • Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.
  • Wait 30 seconds before I look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.
  • My New Year’s resolution is not a repeat of the last year’s resolutions.
  • Buy a Channel on Television, Make it all about you, and Call it “NOW”. If Oprah can do it, so can I.
  • Sit down and write a real list of New Year’s resolutions.
  • Make every event of my life top secret and then hope for fame on Wikileaks.
  • Buy a Vuvuzela and bring it to the workplace.
  • Spend less time reliving the past and more worrying about the future.
  • I will abuse as many loopholes of the renewed tax brakes as possible.
  • Check my work e-mail account at least once this year.
  • My resolution for the year is to not to take any serious resolution.
  • I commit to show up my real face and stop using make-up.
  • I resolve not to talk bad about my boss with my colleagues. I will say it all face-to-face. Jobs portals, are you hearing me?
  • I will regularly remind myself that I am a diabetic (or obese) and need to cut down on chocolates.
  • I will relieve people of tolerating my bad breath and brush my teeth.
  • I will not play online games till late night just to achieve some stupid ranking.
  • Cut down on junk food so that the world can consume it more.